Monday, January 30, 2012

Near the top of the kill list.

there is definitely a hierarchy to the "Kill List" but it is complex and only understood by robots so in an effort to shed a little light on the subject here are a couple examples of the upper echelon of the "Kill List"

these guys are so close to the top of the "Kill List"
its amazing.

TEAM ROBOT salutes

1. Team Ironhorse Madcatz, circa '03-'05:

More Mountain Biking Videos

"We used to have role models."

-Robert Stenson

2. These guys:

3. Tex Diesel and crew. If all of Eugene is flooded out, might as well get the winch and go wakeboarding.

Editor's note: Team Robot does not salute the sport of wakeboarding, or wakeboarders in general. Wakeboarders are typically bro'd out assholes, it's obviously not a real sport, and, perhaps most troubling, wakeboarders pull way hotter chicks than I do. TEAM ROBOT is only saluting Tex and crews' wanton disregard for the flood and its negative, destructive impact on Eugene and everyone in it.

Just to clarify:

Wakeboarders? Not TEAM ROBOT approved.

Ignoring the human cost of natural disasters to go have fun? TEAM ROBOT approved.

Your team

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Marketing strategies

Pepsi marketing strategy: see what Coca-Cola is doing

Sram marketing strategy: see what Shimano is doing

Clutch rear derailleur:,104

Four piston brakes:,105

Kill list

Zimmerman said...
There's no need to kill that guy, he's already dead inside.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Clay Porter? Is that you?

Man, I didn't even recognize this old video of yours, Clay! You filmed so different back then. After all, where are the heli cams and dollies and time lapses and zip lines and super zooms and interviews and interviews and interviews and narrating? Okay, to be fair I did have a hunch it was you when I heard the uncomfortable screechy chick wannabe neo-punk music:

Video Vault: Mount Snow, Vermont 2004 from Synopsis - More Mountain Bike Videos

I was sure someone else must have filmed this, because it's just 3 minutes of straight racing, on American soil, uninterrupted by dramatic cuts or slow mo. Hey, to be fair I guess I looked pretty different eight years ago, too:

It's a bummer to think I was still doing curb-height barspins while Kircaldie was at his peak winning practices at Norbas and World Cups.

Legend of Lacava

We're beginning a new series here at Team Robot called "Legend of Lacava." Do you have one of those friends that always talks about "lactic thresholds" or "how fit I am right now" or who waxes poetically about the "symphony of pain" that he experiences when he's climbing? Do you have a friend that rides for 30 minutes and puts a full page write-up on facebook? I have that friend, and his name is Paul.

Paul takes the monotony of everyday events and makes it sound like he helped put another man on the moon. What you call riding to work he calls "peak endurance anaerobic baseline conditioning." What you call good dirt he calls "tacky bad ass epic rad loam ready to get shredical." For years we've been basking in the glow of his enlightening meditations. Now you too can enjoy his pearls of wisdom.

Photo is courtesy of Darrin Seeds, who is way better at photoshop and most other things than me. Today's quotes come from Paul's lesser-known surfing side:

"The gift of surfing is a mixed one. It'll wear you down, destroy all your free time, humble you, make you swear, make you hate it, punish you badly, turn you into a meteorologist, and then once and a while give you the best sensation I know of that makes it all worth it."

"Suffering massive Santa Cruz withdrawal. Fortunately the Oregon swell is looking prime tomorrow. Dawn patrol!"

"I have a love affair with the California coastline!"

Monday, January 23, 2012

Team Robot Allies

Friend of Team Robot: The Machines

James Cameron or youtube or whoever produced Terminator 2 didn't want anyone to ever embed any Terminator clip ever. I know this, because I looked at about 20 of them, and embedding was disabled on all of them. So just tough it out and follow this link, you won't be disappointed, except when some of the brave terminators get destroyed by the savage humans. Don't worry though, most of the dying happens to the humans:

Ben Tobin photograph

Enemy of Team Robot: Fontana

Friday, January 20, 2012

3 reasons to fight SOPA

If we all work together we can overcome this unthinkable injustice.

By the way that Bloodbath drift video below is easily 500 times better than I thought it would be. Seriously, watch it.


drifting is sick in almost any form.

Power of Grayskull/Skeletor/World Cup

A quick aside: how can you get worse at building race tracks? Really? This was 10 years ago, and it is perfect.

Video Vault: 2001 UCI World Cup, Durango Colorado - More Mountain Bike Videos

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Adventures on Pinkbike

These Oakley Crowbars are currently listed for sale on Pinkbike on the Team Robot account. The following is an brief item description and two real questions from a pinkbike user named dhnewboy:

Oakley Crowbar, Matte Black/Grey fade/clear

Used a few times, in like new condition. Brand new lens, an $8 value. Comes with goggle bag and a five pack of tearoffs.

DHNEWBOY: "very nice, i like. what are tearoffs for?"

TEAM-ROBOT: "It's an eye drop that prevents tears. Even with goggles on a lot of people experience tearing of the eyes at higher speed, so tearoffs help with that."

DHNEWBOY: "very interesting. and are they clear lenses?"

TEAM-ROBOT: (speechless)

In other goggle related news, those oakleys aren't really for sale anymore, the lens isn't new, and I pulled all five tearoffs. Last weekend I used the last of those five doing my first ever midair tearoff. To you, that's just a one-hander where you swing for your face. To me it was a big deal. Brad even made me walk back and pick it up when I finished my run. A right of passage, if you will.

If you're sitting there wondering who Brad is, there's only three things you need to know:

1. Brad is faster than you

2. You suck

3. Chuck Norris is alive because Brad allows him to go on living.

The ugliest bikes ever

I know this is a highly contested category, and I know that the title gets tossed around a lot year to year, but today we at TEAM ROBOT are proud to bring you the all time title holder, Mountain Cycle.

We present to you the ugliest bikes of all time:

Another great detail: the downhill bike requires a proprietary 35mm bottom bracket, and the size large DH bike has a 42.8" wheelbase. SOLD!

But don't believe me. Listen and watch as Gerard walks you through some of the details of this bike, and as he awkwardly caresses and strokes:

Mountain Cycle Shockwave 2 Intro on

And these are just their new bikes, not to say anything about where they came from:

But, my first ever downhill bike was a Mountain Cycle Shockwave 9.5, and I loved that thing to death. I didn't ride it to death, because as ugly as it was, and as weird as the geometry was, that bike was basically invincible. Bender proof. My bike wasn't just clapped after a season of use. When I built the frame up, it was pre-clapped. The frame was new, but all the other parts were haggard, borrowed, or found in dumpsters.

Here's a picture of me keepin it real back on the Mountain Cycle in '06 at Willamette Pass (won that race, btw). I was stoked to get that fork, but then I slowly came to the realization that it didn't like to move up or down- not a good quality for a race fork. At this point I still had a Progressive 5th Element, which was actually worse than just bolting on a straight spring. Also, major style points for the Giro helmet, exposed man thigh and excellent riding position. What are Five Tens?

And in '07 at Skibowl (won it also). By now I'd moved up to a 888 and a Fox DHX 5.0, which was world better. Nonetheless, what's compression damping?

The Mountain Cycle today, still in operation somewhere in Idaho:

67 degree head angle
15.75" bb height
17.5" chainstay (that grows... A LOT)
5 inch tall standard headtube
22.3" toptube on the size large
Totally dialed


your team

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

NW Cup schedule is up



//[End Transmission]://

Friday, January 13, 2012

The Kill List

#468: slack liners

#5739: people who do bike polo

Pretty obvious, but we want to make sure everyone's on the same page here.